Forgiving The Nightmare: A Testimony of Healing and Forgiveness

 

Pastor Mark, I read your book, Forgiving The Nightmare. It’s wonderfully written. You have a remarkable healing that God has given you, and in Forgiving The Nightmare, you describe the nightmare of abuse and suffering that you have gone through for years. Can you please share what happened in your childhood?  

I’d be honored to share it with you. And again, thank you so much. When I reached out to you, I just wanted to find places where I could lift up the name of Jesus and share the testimony of where God has brought me through. Throughout my whole testimony, I don’t have the answers, but God does. So, my testimony, unfortunately, is an ugly one because it deals with abuse and neglect. Far too many people share that same testimony. At the age of seven, my mom would marry a man 20 years her junior. He came into our home, and he would abuse me in every way, shape, and form. He would emotionally, physically, sexually, and verbally abuse me and take everything from me from the ages of 7 to 14. And all those years that I was living through that experience of just being held down and held back and just trapped in fear and insecurity and pain. I didn’t know any other way in those seven years. The pain was the atmosphere and oxygen that I lived in. All around me was the abuse. I didn’t know any other way. And at 14 years old, I didn’t understand why I was 14 and not 13 or 12, but something clicked inside me, and I fought back. I fought back in two ways. First of all, it was a physical way. Now, it wasn’t a Rocky Balboa moment or a Mike Tyson moment, but you know, I just pushed my attacker off me, and I fought back physically. Still, at the same time, I found somebody in my family who would stick up for me, somebody who was strong enough and who believed me. I went to this loved one, and I told them about what was happening. And it was a different time, you know.

I’m on the other side of 50. See all this gray hair? The generation I was a part of was the late 1970s and early 1980s. People didn’t talk about things like this, even when they were happening. My mother came from a generation where you knew you left your dirty laundry at home. You didn’t tell anybody anything or deal with it or talk about it, but it was the underbelly of many people’s stories. So, from 1977 to 1984, I was being abused. And I went to this loved one, and they protected me with their might, with their power, and with their spirit. And because of those two events, at 14, I can tell you the abuse ended. And it never came back. I was never physically abused again after being 14. The abuse stopped because of those who protected me. Now, I wish I could tell you that was the end of the story. And I could say, you know, after 14, everything was peaceful and easy, but it was just the beginning of Forgiving The Nightmare. 

How did you first come to know Christ, and how did you go from just surviving to beginning to thrive? 

Well, I found myself back at my mom’s house, and I was that kind of kid who never wanted to be home and outstayed my welcome—that kid for whom they set another plate for dinner. At the time, we were living in an apartment complex, and I spent a lot of time at the pool. I was a 15-year-old kid, and I was at the pool in the middle of the courtyard. There was a lifeguard, and I think she was about 16. She asked me to go to church with her, and to be honest, I would have gone anywhere that lifeguard asked me to go. She invited me to church on a Friday or midweek night, and I walked into the church, having never experienced the charismatic, evangelical, or Pentecostal expression. I never saw hands being lifted, drums being played, and guitars being strummed. And I went in there, and the youth pastor had a mullet. It was the 80s. They explained the gospel and spoke of God’s love. I knew I wanted and needed that love, but I wasn’t sure if God loved me because I didn’t like myself. The abuse stole not just a pound of flesh but also my dignity, value, importance, and so many things emotionally and psychologically. As much as it stole the flesh and took that away, I was also confused, broken, and kind of not understanding it all, but the church poured out its love for me. And on a Friday night, not too many weeks after my first visit, one of the youths was giving me a ride home. He was cool. He had a car, and I didn’t. He asked me right there in a parking lot if I wanted to make Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, and I said what we call the sinner’s prayer. Lord, come into my heart. Forgive me of my sins. I receive you as my Savior. I said that prayer, and I was probably too young or too immature to really understand the depth of the prayer that I was saying. But thank God He knew what I was saying. And then there I was, the summer when I was 15 or 16 years old. There I was in the middle of that summer. I asked Christ to become my savior. And there, the journey began to walk with Jesus. 

Did you yearn for the peace you once felt?

Of course, I craved the peace, grace, and mercy. All I knew was I felt a love and an acceptance like I had never felt before. For me, the church truly became a sanctuary, and I don’t just mean that in a holy sense; I mean that in a protective sense, like a bird sanctuary or an animal sanctuary. I was there every time the church doors opened. I was there for senior adult meetings. I was even there for some of the MOPS meetings. The church doors opening meant I was there; it was a safe, accepting place where I began to learn about God, God’s love for us, and the Holy Spirit. I began studying God’s Word and grew in my faith.

Was it soon after that you realized you were being called to be a pastor?

Well, you know, any time God has called me to something, I’ve wrestled because of my insecurities, my fears, and because the shackles that were holding the lies of my past were trying to steal the hope of my future. And there I was again. I was just a young man, about 16 or 17 years old. By this time, I had become a fixture in the youth group. I attended all the pizza parties, roller skating rinks, sleep-ins, and late nights with the camping group. I was a part of this youth group because it was a part of me. And I remember the first time I raised my hands in prayer. I thought the whole world was looking at me, but there I stood before the altar, and I felt God quicken my heart and say, “Mark, you’re going to go to Bible school.”

I wrestled with that because I have dyslexia and was a student receiving additional education services. I usually tell people I didn’t learn how to read; I learned how to duck. My parents didn’t raise me; I made it through. So, my skills were learning how to duck and how to become that chameleon, how to fit in by being the funny kid or sports jock. I did what I did to survive. So, there I was, about 17 years old, with this call in my heart and feeling so insecure, saying, “God, you know, I don’t have the ability. I can’t read well. I can’t write well. God, how can you call me?” But God was faithful, and he called me to Bible school. Now, I wish I could tell you again I got up from that place and said, Amen. But there lay the journey, and God had a quickening in my heart, and I found myself in my early 20s. It was a few years later that I found myself at Bible college. 

When did you surrender entirely to Christ? In the book, you discuss the importance of complete surrender and forgiveness, as well as surrendering at the altar.  

Amen. And you know that process wasn’t a one-time process. That was a process that took many times of coming to the altar and allowing God to begin to crack that shell, if you will, to start speaking into my life, to begin to soften that heart of stone. And I remember that I had some people who loved me the most. And you know, sometimes people who love us and want to help don’t always give the best advice. It’s not because they’re evil or mean. It’s because they want to say something. And I remember somebody said, “Mark, if you have the faith of a mustard seed, you can move a mountain.” ⁣ And I thought to myself, at 16 or 17 years old, what does that mean? So there I was in my prayer closet, and I said to the Lord, Lord, what does it mean to move a mountain? What does it mean to have faith the size of a mustard seed? Now, today, I know it’s measured in size. But at that time, God spoke to my heart, and He said, “Mark, will you move a pebble? Can you move pebbles?” And I said, “Lord, I can move pebbles all day long. I’ll be the best pebble-moving Christian you’ve ever had, God.” I’ll move pebbles to and fro, and slowly, the pebble becomes a stone, the stone becomes a rock, the rock becomes a hill, the hill becomes a boulder, and the boulder becomes a mound, growing bigger precept by precept, inch by inch. So again, it wasn’t the first time that I ran to the altar. There were many times that I kept going to the altar and laying myself on it, saying, God, help me because I was angry—I wanted my pound of flesh—I didn’t walk on water or float in clouds. I wanted my abuser to suffer. When I thought of hell, I wanted my abuser to go there. Again, I wasn’t this perfect saint with little wings. I had feelings. I had emotion. I had things taken from me. I was angry. I had a question—why? How? If? What? All those things were rising up, but at the same time, God would bring me on this journey of forgiveness. And in that journey of forgiveness, I often say I was like David. Even though I had to walk through the valley of shadow or death. Even though I had to walk out of this miracle, it still makes it a true miracle, just as much as one that happens suddenly, as much as one that unfolds in the process. God helped me learn to forgive those who trespassed against me. God had to change me so that I could look at things differently.  I didn’t start this journey saying, “Hey, I want to forgive the man who abused me.” I’m not that righteous or good. I started this journey by saying, “God, I want to know you. I wish to seek ye first and by knowing God, by seeking.

God would bring me to forgiveness. I didn’t have the strength, the power, the knowledge, or probably even the heart at that time to forgive. I was angry. Someone stole something from me. There was an abuse given to me. I felt righteous in my anger. So God did. I didn’t say, “Okay, God, I’m such a good guy. Help me forgive those who abused me and raped me and stabbed me and beat me.” That’s not what I tried to do. This journey started with this kid going, “God, I want to know you. I want to know who you are. I want to know your Word. I want to know your Spirit. I want to be able to understand and grow.” And in that place, God would bring me. But again, it was seek ye first the kingdom of God. And that’s where it started. And even though I still wrestled with the flesh, and even though I still wrestled with the pain and the hurt, I was growing in God. As I grew closer to God, the things of this world began to seem strangely dim because God started to change my perspective. I saw Him first before I saw the hurt and the pain. God became louder. God became greater. His words became louder than hate. His love became sweeter than sorrow. However, it began by seeking God first.  

How do we know when we have truly forgiven and released the unforgiveness to Christ?

Sure. And you know that’s a part of the journey and peeling the onion back one layer at a time. So, for me, it was just a straightforward step by going, “God, I’m giving it to you.” There are three things I want to share with you that I’ve learned about forgiveness. I always believed that forgiveness meant forgiving and forgetting, letting it go, and not making a mountain out of a molehill—let it go. The first thing I realized was that forgiveness is not the same as approval, right? Just because you say you forgive somebody doesn’t mean you’re approving of what they’ve done. You’re not accepting it; you’re not supporting it. You could still say, “What you’ve done was wrong, evil, and sinful against the law, and what happened is wrong.” I disapprove of it. I don’t accept it. I don’t want it. But yet, I can still forgive you for it. That’s the first thing I realized.

The second thing I learned is that forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. God’s mercies are new every morning. And I realized that for me, forgiveness is that way. And the Lord’s Prayer says what? Help us forgive those who trespass against us. Before that, He says, Lord, give us this day our daily bread and help us forgive those who trespass against us. So, I believe that daily is for both things: the daily bread and daily forgiveness. And also the last thing I learned is a harder one. I learned I can have my boundaries. You know, those who have wounded me, I realized I could have boundaries to say, You know what, I don’t have to have kumbaya moments. I could love them. I could give them to Christ. I could put them under the blood. I could say, Lord, they’re in your hands. I don’t have to put my head back in the lion’s mouth. You know, I can have healthy boundaries.

You shared in your book that unforgiveness not only affects us but also affects those around us because we often displace our anger and feelings onto them. Can you explain that?  

Sure. Let me unpack that with you for a few minutes. First of all, I’ll tell you one thing God had to do in my life was, again, as I said earlier, he had to change my perspective. And the way God did that is I’ll go back to when we were teenagers. When we were teenagers, we didn’t have a million channels to choose from. We didn’t have the phones in our hands. You know, I’m a Gen-Xer. So, you know, I drank water from a hose, and I came in when the streetlights were off. Mom didn’t know how to call you, but she always knew how to reach you. I remember being in high school in the early 80s; we only had PBS. And in our area, it was called Channel 2. And at Channel 2, our PBS station, Bob Ross, the painter. Everybody knows Bob Ross, and in half an hour, in my untrained eyes, he would paint a masterpiece. I’d be eating my bowl of cereal, coming home from school, and seeing the blank canvas become a masterpiece. At the end of almost every painting that Bob Ross did, he’d put a tree in front of the subject. So if he painted a lake or a cabin or a mountain or whatever he was painting, at almost the last two minutes of every show, he’d put a tree in front of the subject. And what he was doing, I found out years later by watching it, was changing our perspective. He was bringing the subject to life and giving it depth. He was saying the cabin is not as close as it looks now because there’s something in front of it. So it makes it look further away. And I thought about this all the time, like this old song that got caught in your head. I thought, Lord, why am I thinking about this Bob Ross painting? And one day, the Lord said to me, “Mark, if you put my cross in front of your hurts, if you put my cross of Calvary, my love, it’s going to put some depth. Sometimes, when we have pain and go through unforgiveness and sorrow, it’s so close that it pours out. It pours out to people, you know; it pours out to the people that we love. We think we have it hidden, but we usually have it buried under just that soft veneer, and as soon as it’s touched or we believe it’s going to get touched, we lash out, and usually, we lash out at the people who love us, but God is saying to put Him in front of that pain. Put me in front of that hurt. Put me in front of that sorrow. I’m so thankful that God has helped me change my perspective. I see Christ first. Oh, I don’t deny what I went through. I don’t deny that it’s a part of my story, a part of my narrative. It’s a part of my testimony, but it doesn’t define who I am. The worst part of my life does not have to define my life. God loves you, and he wants to set you free. He wants to give you freedom.

Pastor Mark shared his story on Truth, Talk & Testimonies

Pastor Mark's story can be found on the VictoryEmbraced: Truth, Talk & Testimonies podcast platforms

Living Your Best Life

 

Samuel, you wanted to share the meaning of your name. 

Yeah, I was sharing this anecdote with Dawn-Marie earlier that I didn’t grow up a Samuel. I was a Sam in my childhood, and I grew up in a small town in the mid-1970s; Sam was not a popular name back then. There were more Samanthas than Samuels. I was speaking with a colleague a few years ago, and I asked him if he preferred Josh or Joshua. And he was describing how he would much rather be called Joshua than be a joke, as in “Josh” or “joshing around,” and it got me thinking about my name, which is incredibly powerful. It’s such a powerful name, and I’m glad my parents chose it for me instead of my brother’s. My brother’s name is Darin, and my parents named him after Bobby Darin, the singer of Splish Splash; I was taking a bath. So I got the biblical name, and he got the musical name. However, this connection to the name is that God hears Samuel, and I didn’t just want to be heard. Throughout my life, I struggled, believing that no one was listening to me. This struggle, rooted in my childhood experiences, has significantly shaped my identity and my journey of faith. So, this was a transformation for me, transitioning to the name Samuel. This was confusing for some of my friends, and even my wife would emphasize my name by saying ‘Samuel,’ but I much prefer that God hear me and I am heard by Him. The name Samuel resonates with me in several ways, as he was the last of the judges before the time of the kings, and he anointed kings. What Samuel did was anoint not just one king but two. And he anointed the greatest king of the kingdom of Israel, King David. The few times that I’ve heard God’s voice, one time He said, “Get up. You are a king and a kingmaker.” God speaks to us; our identity is in Him, and it says in Revelation 2:17 that He will give us a new name.

When you were in fourth or fifth grade, you went through a hard season because of your parents’ struggling marriage. How did this season shape you and lead your path today? 

Yeah, there was a time when my parents were struggling in their marriage, and because I became a Christian as a child, when I saw my parents working, I asked them if they would continue taking me to church because they weren’t going. I just wanted to be there, and they took me, and I went by myself. At the time, my older brother was not as connected to faith. There was this gentleman that I knew who lived in my small town, a community of around 4,000 people. Everybody knew everybody, so I knew this man, but he was my parents’ age, and when you’re in fourth and fifth grade, you’re intimidated by them. One day, he asked me to sit down and talk to him. He told me that I was so brave, and I had no idea what he meant by that. It was normal for me to be there, and it reminds me of Samuel in the Bible because he was raised in God’s house, and I wanted to be in His house, too. Today, my practice is outside the church that I attend. I have always felt very comfortable in God’s house. So it’s like my living room. 

You shared with me that, at one point, you wanted to be a technical writer. However, it was during your time as a resident advisor in college that something began to happen, which became a clear indication of your calling and gift. 

Yeah. So, first, for those who don’t know what a technical writer is, it’s like getting those manuals, and now, sadly, most of them you can’t understand because they’re written in a language other than English. A technical writer writes for scientists. I have a very scientific mind. My family gets tired of me talking about it because I won the biology, chemistry, and physics awards, and I’m this touchy-feely dude in therapy, too, so I can bridge these two worlds pretty well. I have an undergraduate degree in English and a master’s degree in counseling. I had planned to work in technical writing, but I became a resident assistant at the college I attended instead. My roommate was also a resident assistant, so we split up the hall and would have meetings like all the other RAs. 

At the meetings, we would gather and go around, and many of the guys would talk about winning their basketball games and their intramural competitions. Another would say that it was a great meeting because they had to work on programs. The other RA would ask me, “Okay, Sam, so how are things with you?” And I’d say, “Well, this week, this one guy attempted suicide. I have one guy who’s strung out on pot, and he hasn’t gone to a class in four weeks. Another guy went to walk on the railroad tracks downtown, considering leaving school and just taking a train, you know, and then there was another gentleman who has a deep, affectionate place in my heart because he has a personality disorder and would pick up whatever personality or identity that suited him in the needs of the situation he was in. What became very clear to me was that God was leading me toward a profession in therapy where I could help people.

I had those pieces in my background. In high school, I was part of a group called Peer Helpers. I was always doing things that helped my friends. In college, I was an English major, and I thought to myself, “Oh my gosh, what am I going to do?” I’ve wasted four years?" No offense to English majors out there, but I had packed my schedule, so my senior year, I was going to blow it off entirely. I had available time in my calendar. It was God’s gift because I started calling schools and said, “What do I need to do if I want to get in?” And they said, “Take this, this, this, this, and this class.” And all of them fit into my schedule. It was meant to be. So, I took all these introductory psychology classes as a senior with freshmen. Lastly, my roommate, remember, was an RA as well, and one of the things that solidified my decision about my giftedness and calling was when he said, “Sam, when the guys are looking to have fun, they’ll come and find me, but when they need help, they will wait for you.

You shared that you had trauma. What kind of trauma did you have and go through?

Yes. Parts of my story I choose respectfully not to share because it also affects some other people, but certainly, I can add the experiences that my parents went through. They did remain married, but there was a lot of ugliness in their marriage. I remember looking into the mirror in fourth grade and saying, “I’m done with them. I’m done with them.” I swore them off and drew a line. Thankfully, that’s not where I stand with them today because I’ve had healing. I can share this bit, too. I also attended Christian camp, as I mentioned earlier, because I remembered sharing that the only place I wanted to be was in the house of God. If it weren’t for Craig, who we to this day are Facebook friends and stay connected—I shared with him and his sons that if it weren’t for their dad, I would not be here—I would have taken my life, as parts of my trauma left me suicidal, and Craig, my camp counselor, was very influential and is now a pastor and missionary. We’ll never know the seeds we’re planting in people’s lives this side of heaven.

You specialize in anxiety and OCD, couples work, Internal Family Systems, EMDR, brainspotting, and EFT. Could you explain all of these methods? 

Sure. Part of the reason I specialize in many of those areas, not all of them, but many of them, is that it takes one to know one, right? I have anxiety and a doctor would probably diagnose me with OCD. My wife certainly would think so, which is obsessive-compulsive disorder. Anxiety looks like being distressed or worried more than you ought to, and some people manage it just fine. Truth be told, a little of anxiety is good for you because it helps you perform to the best of your abilities, but it can also incapacitate you if not managed. What I’d like to be clear about is because a lot of people will say, “Well, I don’t have obsessive-compulsive disorder because I don’t check the knobs of the stove when I leave the house, or you should see my desk.” That has nothing to do with what OCD is. You can have different behaviors, and if you have a messy desk or if you have some area in your life that you can’t control, it could be a sign that you do have OCD because what people do is say, “Well, I can’t manage that so I’m not even going to try.” So, my type of OCD is much more about the inability to stop thinking. Okay, you can’t shut it off. The obsessions are the thoughts. You can have compulsions of counting and checking, and that is where mine shows up.

For example, I will lie in bed and count, check, and go through mental lists over and over, prepping for the next day. There are a lot of ways you can have obsessive-compulsive disorder. You also asked about some of the ways that I provide treatment. One approach is called internal family systems. So, if you’ve seen the Disney movie Inside Out, the movie represents various parts of a girl’s brain as animated characters. So, there’s an angry part, a disgusted part, a happy part, and a sad part. What we do, in a sense, is anthropomorphize them or give them life. We apply internal family systems to our system, meaning ourselves. In essence, we would engage in therapy with ourselves from a Christian perspective, guided by the Holy Spirit, which is a process designed to help one lead oneself more effectively. There’s also a way to do healing work with it as well that doesn’t look the same but takes you to the same result as EMDR, which is a trauma healing approach, and brainspotting is an offshoot of EMDR. 

Researchers discovered that EMDR involves eye movement—that’s what EMDR is—so the therapist moves their fingers back and forth. Then, the client watches them, and there’s a lot more that goes on. However, while that’s happening, it allows the brain to heal from what it was previously trying to keep away from or block out. Brainspotting is an offshoot of that. Whereas a gentleman named David Gran discovered that while he was moving his fingers, sometimes people’s eyes would wobble or stick, so instead of moving his hands back and forth, he found the spot where the distress “lives,” and you held it there, and the distress heals, so I use this approach as well. EFT is a couples therapy approach called emotionally focused therapy, and men tend to hate that name because they think they’re going to be required to cry. It’s not true. There are lots of emotions, but it’s one of the most researched and documented couples’ therapy approaches. Couples therapy approaches tend not to have as much research behind them as individual approaches, so I wanted to learn a skill because when I was doing all of this trauma work with people and helping them heal, they would say, “Can you please tell my partner what you’re telling me and explain to them what’s going on?” I also do neurofeedback, which involves placing electrodes on your head. My wife, daughter, and I do it. It’s not therapy, but what it does is shift your brain from a state of distress or fight, flight, or freeze mode to a state of rest, moving it to rest, digest, and relax mode.

What’s the difference between surviving and truly living? How do you help people reach a point of healing, freeing them from their struggles?

I love these questions, and they’re so huge, but let’s see if I can encapsulate them. But so, first of all, the difference between surviving and thriving. And by the way, surviving is necessary. Surviving is a good thing. Surviving is a skill that humans have developed and need to possess. Parts of our brain help us survive. Survival almost always revolves around protection and keeping you safe. Protection is beneficial, but it often hinders healing because protective mechanisms resist addressing the issue. Until you’re ready to heal, protection is a good thing. For a time, surviving is necessary, and it’s perfect. I’m always telling my clients that they need to do what they’re doing. You needed your OCD. You needed your depression. You needed your anxiety to keep you alive. You needed your ADHD, etc. It’s very unshaming, right? Because people come in like they believe they’re bad or wrong for having this mental health concern. And my first line is, “No, it kept you alive.” Literally, in many instances, I’ve experienced my own suicidal experiences.

In many cases, this depression, anxiety, etc., kept the person alive until they were ready and able to heal. And healing is literally that. So, let’s use an example. Let’s say you have a broken bone. And what you could do is you could wrap it up in gauze, and you could splint it, take some aspirin, and limp along. You could be okay, and your arm would probably heal, but it would probably heal deformed. However, if you visit a doctor, they can put it in a cast and use it, allowing you to return to your normal state, where it would be as good as new, if not stronger. When bones break, they heal—they’re stronger at the break. By the way, I believe that the same thing happens in these transformative healing approaches that I use. EMDR, brainspotting, and IFS were all accidental discoveries about trauma. All three experts, David Gran, Francine Shapiro, and Richard Schwarz, would say, “Well, I just found this serendipitously,” and it happened to work. I believe all of these serendipity experiences are God’s work. And they brought transformation to people. Other forms of therapy are excellent, necessary, and valuable because you might be in that place where you need to survive, and you’re not ready for healing yet. So, I don’t knock any other form of therapy. EMDR, as well as IFS and brainspotting, are approaches that help a person feel safe enough to allow that wall to come down so it doesn’t feel scary or threatening. It’s an approach that enables the wall to come down just enough, and then it can also go back up. 

How has your faith continued to influence your life and work today? 

I’ll throw in an anecdote about running here. For a season, I was a runner in high school. I’m not an athlete, and I don’t connect with those things. I’m a nerdy scientist type, but I’m currently in training and have just completed a 25K trail run, which is approximately 15.5 miles. Trail running differs from pavement running, and now I’m preparing for a Spartan Ultra, which will be 32 miles and feature 60 obstacles. The metaphor here is that we’re always in training, and when we permit ourselves to do hard things, God honors it and blesses it. God didn’t say things are going to be easy. No. God didn’t say your life is going to be a picnic. No. What God told me is that I experienced some complicated things in my life, and He allowed those things to be used for good. I received my healing. I got healing through EMDR, and after that happened, I said, “I have to bring this to other people.”

My life verse is Genesis 50:20. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” I firmly believe that God wants me to do this work, and He allowed what happened to me. I don’t like saying, “He did it. That’s unfair and unreasonable. He certainly allowed it, and good came out of it.

Samuel shared his story on Truth, Talk & Testimonies

Samuel's story can be found on the VictoryEmbraced: Truth, Talk & Testimonies podcast platforms

Beyond Church Walls

 

Can you share about your childhood, the progression of the addiction, going to prison, and how you came to Christ?

I grew up in a home, living with my mom and dad, back and forth. My childhood wasn’t the best. My parents physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. I remember times when my mom would grab me by my hair and drag me across the floor in our house, and my dad would beat us with extension cords and coaxial cables—he would use anything he could get his hands on. My childhood was not as good as it could have been, and it was very traumatic. Despite this, I’m grateful to God for my upbringing, as my parents always supported my regular church attendance. Still, the main reason I was going to church as a kid was to escape the abuse that was going on at home—it was a relief for me to get out of a demonic atmosphere.

I always enjoyed worshiping God, being in the presence of church people, and being away from the house and the environment where I lived. I would attend church for this reason, but deep down, I sensed the Lord’s calling. When I went to church, I would look at the preachers who were preaching—I wanted to be like them—preach like them, talk like them, and dress like them, so I always knew in my heart that I was called to do something greater, but I didn’t know if I would ever make it to that point because of the abuse that I would suffer at my home. One thing, too, is when I was living with my mom, and when she would get tired of dealing with me, she would send me to my dad’s. And then, when my mom decided she would snatch me back out from my dad’s, and I would have to go back and live with her. I hated it. I didn’t want to go live with my mom. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents because they, too, were another escape for me when I was living at my dad’s house. Five different times while living there, someone molested me, so to escape, I either went to church or spent a lot of time at my grandma’s house—a way to get away and cope with what I was dealing with at home. 

When Did You Start Using Drugs?

As life went on, I slowly got into using drugs, and eventually, I started selling them too. I used to sell drugs all across the United States. We would load up U-Haul trucks with cocaine and marijuana and drive all over, distributing them. I became a full-blown alcoholic, drinking a fifth and a half of Jack Daniel’s daily. Back then, I didn’t realize it, but I now know I was trying to numb my pain and cope with the suffering I’d endured throughout my life.

It took me years to understand why I was deeply involved in that lifestyle. Even while I was using and selling drugs and drinking heavily, I still felt drawn to church. I would go to church even when I was high and had drugs in my pocket. There was something about being in that place—it felt good. It was a feeling I never experienced at home.

In February 1998, I got busted with seven pounds of marijuana and two eight balls of cocaine. They sent me to Harris County Jail in Texas and sentenced me to five years in prison. The judge’s sentence devastated me. I returned to my cell and called family members to tell them what happened. I told them I was going to prison for five years.

In county jail, you typically wait about 45 days before being transferred to a state prison. While waiting, I unexpectedly received a letter saying the parole board wanted to see me. It was strange being called before the parole board before even setting foot in prison—but they granted me parole. I was so excited. I thought I was getting out and could start putting my life back together.

I called my family—my mom, dad, aunts, and uncles—to let them know I’d made parole and ask if I could stay with them. One by one, they all hung up the phone. Nobody wanted me in their home. My family rejected me again. I was the black sheep of the family. Because I didn’t have a place to parole, I ended up serving the full five-year sentence.

The prison was no cakewalk. There’s a lot that goes on in there. While inside, I spent a lot of time thinking about my life. I knew I could’ve been out if I had just had an address. I started calling friends and acquaintances—anyone—and asked if I could use their addresses just to get released. I told them I didn’t need to stay with them to use the address. Every single person rejected me.

One night, I was sitting on my bunk, devastated. I was 18 years old and scared. I began to pray and cry out to God. I poured out my pain and sorrow, and I repented. Then I heard God speak to me in a still, small voice:

“If you are going to be healed, if you’re going to be set free and delivered, and if I’m going to use you, I need you to forgive the people in your life who have ever hurt you.”

God told me to call out the name of every single person who had hurt me, abused me, misused me, or wounded me in any way. He gave me clear instructions:

“Call them out by name. Say that you forgive them. Say that you love them. And release them into My hands.”

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. With every name I spoke, I cried like a baby. It got harder and harder, but I kept going. That night, I forgave everyone and truly surrendered my life to the Lord.

And this time, it was real.

Before, I had gone through the motions and did the “church” things, such as when the pastor said come to the altar, I went to the altar; when he said say a prayer, I said a prayer; and when he said get baptized, I got baptized, but nothing changed. There was no deliverance, no healing, no freedom. It wasn’t until I was completely alone, rejected by everyone else, that I realized I needed a Savior. That’s when everything started to change.

Did you get involved in prison ministry or Bible studies while you were in prison, and when did you get out?

I did a lot of Bible studies through the mail, I signed up for a mentorship, and they assigned me a mentor, who paid for my Bible college. I went to a college in Louisiana and became a pastor and became what God called me to be, so I spent a lot of time studying God’s word, being involved in chaplaincy, and praying with other ministers and prison inmates. I’ve seen a lot of people give their lives to the Lord, and God used me in the prisons, and then I got out on May 9th, 2003. Upon release, I immediately visited my son; I had impregnated a woman before my imprisonment, and she gave birth while I was incarcerated. So when I got out, I traveled by bus from Houston to Oklahoma City to see him. When I arrived in downtown Oklahoma City near the Greyhound bus station, there was a ministry called Celebration of Life Church. They were having a men’s prayer gathering, and the leader of the men’s group had a short Bible study, so I went in and sat there and listened. On my bus ride back to Houston, I heard the Lord speak to me again… “I want you to sell everything you have, and I want you to move to Oklahoma.” So, when I got back, I put up a sign at my apartment to sell everything and quit my job. I was trying to sell everything at my apartment so I would have the money to get on a bus, go to Oklahoma, and have some extra cash to help me get through some things, find a place to live, and get settled. I gave myself a week, and in that entire week, nobody came by the house and bought anything. Well, the night before I was to leave to get on a bus, this little old lady who lived in a tiny traveling trailer came to my apartment and she bought everything and said, “I don’t know why I’m buying all this stuff.” And I don’t know where I’m going to put it.” She even bought my curtains! 

So I got on the bus and went to Oklahoma. I started attending the church where that Bible study was, and I was there for 4-5 years. I ended up becoming the associate pastor. It was a good time of training and discipleship for me, and I’m grateful for the opportunity because it allowed me to get into ministry, see the ins and outs of running a church, and be part of praying for people, preaching, and ministering.  

Did you go back to Texas after having some ministry training? 

Yes, I ended up going back to Texas and got a job. I wasn’t involved in a lot of ministries for the first year. Then I felt I’ve always had a burden for homeless people, drug addicts, prostitutes, inmates, and ex-inmates because I understand them—I understand the addiction and struggle and know how it feels to be in their shoes. My wife and I started doing homeless ministry by making 40-60 plates of food, loading them up in our car with our two children, and going downtown, pulling up under a bridge, handing out food, praying for people, giving them clothes, and making up bags of personal care products—it was a blessing to be able to serve and be a light for Christ. We didn’t have much money but did what we could, and God always provided. God also used this time as ministry training.

Through all that I went through in my past, I never quit dreaming. I never quit hoping. I never quit having faith in God. As I was healing, I continued to struggle and fall, but I continued to get back up, and I always held on to God. 

Maybe you too are in between, and you know what you should be doing—you know your purpose as I did, but you may not see it in the natural realm right now, but if you keep praying and believing, keep fasting, and keep seeking the Lord for whatever it is that He’s called and predestined and ordained for you to do—don’t ever give up because I know that what God has started in you, He is faithful and will complete it. He will be with you as you complete your mission and what God has called you to do.

My heart is beyond the church walls because everything that we do is supposed to be—we’re to be servants for the people. Being in church and being behind the scenes and involved in it, I saw that there wasn’t a lot of outreaches or discipleship, and I didn’t want to stay cooped up in a building with the same 20, 30, 40, or 50 people for the next 20, 30, 40, or 50 years. I don’t believe that God designed the church to be there doing the same thing repeatedly. We’re supposed to go out into the highways and byways to compel the people to enter the church. That’s why I believe God gave me the name Beyond Walls. 

We would have worship at park events, pray for people, and baptize them in the parks; focus on community outreach; and follow up on evangelism. I would invite several churches to partner with us and help us put on the event so that when we go out into the community, there will be different churches, ministers, and people giving people options. We’re not there to get you to come to our church—they have options where they may like to attend and grow in their relationship with Jesus. Jesus himself was an evangelist and didn’t stay within the church walls, and I believe we are to follow in his footsteps and do the same.

Beyond Walls & Beyond FM Radio

Pastor Brian shared his story on Truth, Talk & Testimonies

Pastor Brian's story can be found on the VictoryEmbraced:  Truth, Talk & Testimonies podcast platforms

I Lost 118 Pounds and Took My Life Back

 

Lisa, you have been on an incredible health journey because you lost 118 pounds—I can’t even imagine each step you took. But I know God was with you. What was your turning point? Because I know, from your bio you shared, that you had a lot of inflammation, thyroid disease, and fibromyalgia. What happened? 

I want to hit two separate sides here—one side is health, and the other side is spiritual. And then, of course, you have a mind that connects your body with the spirit, right? And sometimes, that can be a battle. We’re brought up one way: we hear certain things and come from different spiritual backgrounds and denominations. We have all of this pre-imprinting going on between birth and 18. During that timeframe, we also can have a lot of baggage, which I embrace—my baggage—and I’m thankful for it because I think it’s crucial to acknowledge God through it. For instance, I have molestation on my belt, failing and accelerating grades, being a tomboy and outgoing, then teachers and people in our lives who speak negative things to us. I even had a fifth-grade teacher tell me, “The way you smile and laugh all the time, you’re never going to amount to anything but a high school cheerleader.” So these voices go on; that’s just the external, but we have what was going on internally. Parents try their best. There are a lot of dysfunctional homes, and even functional homes can be dysfunctional.

So, I did a lot of yo-yo dieting and had a mom who also did the same. My mom was from the era of Joan Crawford and Elizabeth Taylor and raised me with an extravagant approach to fashion, hair, and makeup. I was the youngest of three girls. And so, having two older brothers, I became pretty athletic, definitely more of a tomboy. There were a lot of words from my father, whom I adore, who will now be 93 next month and is my strength internally. I wouldn’t have had my current strength without my father raising me, but his approach could have been better.

Jumping into my 30s and 40s, signs of menopause started. At 36, I was told that I should have a hysterectomy because cancer cells were present with a Pap smear. Having a hysterectomy didn’t seem right to me. Why would we lose our uteruses and ovaries? Thankfully, I didn’t listen to the doctor’s recommendation because, at 46, I had a child—I did lose six children before her in miscarriages. Still, I didn’t know at 46, when I gave birth, that 12 years later, we would be faced with losing her father. The next day after Eliya was born, I got sick every day for months. I thought I had food poisoning because everything I ate made me ill. It escalated to where I was afraid to eat anything. Well, now we know that it was liver disease and gallbladder disease, which were feeding hyperthyroidism. I ended up with thyroid eye disease, in which my eyes popped out of my head.

The underlying cause was a lot of stress, having a child later in life, being on the road, traveling worldwide, and blowing up buildings for our business. The stress kept building inside me, but God always told me it was okay and that He would go before me. We had a child on the road and were living in a vehicle 12-14 hours a day—driving 4,000 miles in four days is pretty intense, and then stopping to breastfeed—it was a lot. I felt like I was Wonder Woman, but I was getting sicker, and the inflammation was getting worse, to the point where my blood circulation was horrible. I started getting blood clots and neuropathy in my feet, and my health was snowballing. The bigger picture wasn’t about me but God's plan. When Eliya was shy of 12, she woke up one day and told me she didn’t want to travel anymore. I responded to her by saying, “Well, you know what? You were born into this life, and God has given it to you.” She is the youngest of the first six, and the others already left the house. Also, we did ministry on the road—we spoke at churches, went to many places, and wore three crosses on our construction hard hats, sharing God’s Word with everyone. Eliya begged me and shared her heart that she wanted to be a normal child and be home on the ranch with her horses. 

So I went to my husband, Eric, before he passed away; he wasn’t even sick that we knew of. And I told him, “This is going to be difficult, but you’ll need to take the guys on the road. Then, I will fly in for the day of the blast and do the implosions. He was surprised, but I explained her importance: she’s deeply knowledgeable in Scripture, loves the Lord, has been baptized, and has baptized other children. I said, “She wants to be home for a reason.” I ended up taking on three grandchildren in full custody and raising them. Eliya and one of them are the same age, so we call them Irish twins because they were born six weeks apart, and then there’s one 18 months older and one 18 months younger. So, I was raising four, and we were on the road, just living life. There were a lot of undercurrents, like a riptide in the ocean, but the boat was still floating on top. Amid everything, I was still yo-yo dieting and would gorge and get sicker every day. When I started getting deeper into reading the Bible, the Lord showed me that gluttony and worry are sins. At this time, I was 57 and nearing 58, and we needed to go to two overbooked jobs, so Eric went to Atlanta and called me. He was coughing badly, and I said, “You don’t sound good. You need to go to an urgent care.” Urgent care told him he had walking pneumonia. We have our family Christmas time in Idaho, and nobody knows that Eric is dying of cancer—even Eric. This persistent cough wasn’t going away, so he went to the emergency room with some prompting. I noticed that he was getting weaker.

When they diagnosed Eric, I wasn’t with him, as I was in Washington with the girls, and he was in Idaho when he called me after he collapsed in the driveway. I told him to call 911, so he called them, and then they called me to tell me they had a man in my driveway. I told them, “Yes, that’s my husband… please get him to the emergency room.” They life-flighted him to the hospital and took out four gallons of fluid from his lungs. And he called me and said, “Yeah, I’m sick, but it’s a blessing and proceeded to tell me that he has cancer. I dropped to the ground and was crying and didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. He then told me that if he had come in six months earlier, he probably could have fought it, but there wouldn’t be a fight because he was surrendering. Eric gets restored either way, and he believes that God will heal him on this planet or in heaven. I was bawling, and it was hard talking without getting emotional. It was a blessing for Eric because he loved the Lord so much, but the news was excruciating for me. I told the kids to start packing up so we could head back home to Idaho and told Eric that I needed to be with him, but Eric interjected and said, “No, no, no… You don’t need to be with me. Jesus is with me. I’ve already been through the garden… It’s going to be fine. Please take care of the girls, enjoy the weekend, and then when you come back, stop by the hospital.”

I was feeling overwhelmed, and everything in my life started getting a hundred times worse, including my weight. I asked Eric why he felt like having cancer was good news, and he replied, “Because it’s mesothelioma. We need to tell the family immediately because both of my grandparents died from mesothelioma, and the odds are that because I was by them, I got it off of their clothes.” Mesothelioma is a tiny spur that gets in your lungs. I said, “Are you sure it’s not from work?” He says, “No, I’m positive I got it from my grandparents because it takes 40 years to rear its ugly head." So I was like, okay, “I’m going to try to find the blessing in this.”

Upon our arrival at the hospital, he was in a jolly mood and felt great, in contrast to my frazzled and absolute basket-case state. I was the woman; when we weren't near each other, I almost thought I couldn’t breathe—our lives were so intertwined and meshed. I knew I needed to trust the Lord wherever He took this. I needed to be strong and believe we’re going to make it, so every day, I would say to God, “God, your will over mine, your will over mine, your will over mine, whatever that looks like, Lord, but I’m going to ask you that you hold me and direct me because you know what it will take for me to process this because I’m a person who is a long thinker, I don’t make rash decisions, and I like to plan.” The oldest was 14, then there were double 12s and a 10, and they asked, “Mom, why do you feel like crying when Dad’s dying? And I said, Well, that’s an excellent question.” At that moment, God reminded me how we raise our children to trust the Lord. Suddenly, I doubted if I was fully trusting God, and I started to question my faith because I was asking myself, do I trust? One day, one of my daughters said, Mom, put your arms out. I’m going to jump to you," and at that moment, I knew the Lord was saying… “My arms are up… Jump.”  

On March 19th, the hospital said, “Go home and get your affairs in order. And my husband goes, “You don’t know my God; you don’t know what He has in store. Don’t tell me I’m dying,” but we all knew that the tumor had moved over on top of his aorta, and he could no longer breathe. His breath was getting shorter and shorter. And from that day, March 19th, to April 1st, it was the time that it took for his body to shut down and pass away. 

I was very ill during this time, but I had to put my health aside because caring for Eric and our children was the priority. It wasn’t about Mom; the children were quickly learning this new way of life. We had 200 acres to take care of, running the dozer and tractor, changing the oil, cutting wood, and taking care of the horses and cows, and the girls stepped in and took care of things. We all laugh about it because they learned so much in a short time that maybe they would have never learned had we not gone through this challenge.  

It was about three days before Eric passed that our youngest asked me while breaking down in tears, “I don’t understand why God is so mean.” I said, “He’s not, but one by one, He calls us home, and this is your goal to get yourself there one day too… It takes a lot of courage to have that faith, just like you do with me. You trust me every day, but I don’t want you to trust me—I want you to trust that God knows what’s best for our family.”

We turned our family room into an area for everybody to sleep, hang out, and spend those last hours together. We had a lot of visitors that week who came and prayed over him and said their goodbyes. Eric had been incoherent those previous days because of the morphine. The pain had gotten to where it was excruciating. You know that marriage isn’t always perfect—it doesn’t matter who you are because we’re all broken people. Eric looked at me and said, “I’m sorry for everything.” And I said, “Oh, we’re good. You are so forgiven. Don’t worry about it. It’s all good." And then, he told me, “I love you,” and his eyes never opened again or spoke another word. After he passed, I got the girls, and there was a lot of crying and hugs. 

The next night after Eric’s passing, we remained very quiet—we spoke few words but shared a few jokes and memories. When I woke up, four girls were in bed with me, which they never did before. I said good morning to them, and everyone said, “Are you ready? What are we going to do now?” In my head, I was wondering that I had no clue because I needed to shut my business down; I was facing losing the property and finding a new place to live, and suddenly, I replied in faith to the girls, “We’re going to live and love life and celebrate.” My favorite Scripture that came to mind about our day of death is more significant than our day of birth is Ecclesiastes 7:1. So I said, "You know what, we’re going to live, and we’re going to love life." I embraced all four of them and said, “All I can tell you is that when I had you guys and looked at you, that was the greatest moment of my life. Dad is in heaven in the arms of the Lord, and that is a time to rejoice. Now, it’s our books and chapters that we need to live for God.” To this day, they all serve God, and their goal is to get home to heaven, and we’ll all be reunited.

A couple of days went by, and I realized that I was getting sicker. And it scared me because I was the only surviving parent. It was a significant burden, and the stress was pretty high financially. Eight months went by without health insurance, and finally, I got some coverage through the state for myself and the girls for dental and essential health. I made a doctor’s appointment for myself and was informed that my liver wasn’t good, my thyroid had Graves disease, and my body was acting like an 88-year-old woman and getting closer to shutting down. Then, the sheriff notified me that they would be taking the property, and we didn’t have a place to live. In between everything, I had people stopping by to ask if they could start helping us pack or move the animals. The children became agitated, saying, “Do not touch my dad’s clothes. We’re not leaving this property. God’s going to save our house.” A lot of hope was going on amid everything else. I told the girls, “Maybe God has a bigger plan, and because we’re stuck in our chapter, we can’t even see the great gifts coming to us.” I noticed that as soon as I started seeing the picture in a different light, they, too, increased in hope and faith for our future. It was also at this time that I could hardly walk. 

The children were grocery shopping for me, which was usually my responsibility. I gave them the money and told them what to get on the cell phone, so we were a wreck. However, their willingness to take on this responsibility showed their maturity and understanding of our situation, which was a source of pride and inspiration for me. We had a feast on Thanksgiving Day, and on December 4th, we needed to surrender our home. Out of nowhere, this lady I don’t know told me they had some cabins—they didn’t have running water or a toilet. Still, if we wanted to put our horses on the back property and bring the girls, she would give them to me. Four minutes before the bank took the property, someone purchased it, which helped me pay off my debt to Medicare. One business debt was handled, and I was given a check for $25,000. So we had a little breathing room and had two weeks off the property, but we were packed up in four days. God closed the door; we were blessed to live there but needed to leave.

On Christmas Eve, we celebrated Christ, and New Year’s came; on January 7th, I received a call that my mother had only hours to live, and she passed on January 9th. It was overwhelming because I had one support system gone, and now another was, too. My thyroid had a considerable flare-up, and my eyes were now wholly extended from my head. It was a lot to deal with at one time with all the underlying pressure, but I heard God speak and say to me, “Are you trusting me?” All things are possible with God, according to Philippians 4:13. I needed to focus on the Lord and forget all things going on in my world—the stress, people, and anyone judging me—and it didn’t matter. 

When my mom passed away, she left me $40,000, and another friend carried a mortgage on a house, so we lived there to help. It was a double-wide house, and it was me and the girls. The move-in day was April 1st, the first anniversary of Eric’s passing. I felt like the Book of Job, losing everything and then everything being restored. When we were moving into that house on Facebook, our reunion group from high school was praying for Eric and me, the girls, and the family. My high school sweetheart, who went to the Air Force, asked if that was Lisa because he didn’t recognize the married last name. A good friend of ours said yes and told him that her husband was sick and passed. Kenneth gave me a call but hit the camera by accident. He had never used the camera for a video call before, but he was shocked and said, “Oh, my gosh, there you are!” And on my side of the phone, before I answered, I said, “Oh my gosh, this guy I know is calling on video chat—I can’t talk; I’m broken, and my life is a wreck.” I got the courage to answer, and he asked if I was OK. I told him, “No, I’m so broken and don’t know how the future looks, and I can’t even comprehend anything that’s happened over the last three years.” He told me he would come to see me and would like to help us in any way possible. Here, we lived in a 1,100-square-foot double-wide, and we used to have a 5,000-square-foot home. COVID was going around, and we just got over COVID ourselves. I knew, though, to take one step at a time—put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door.  

Kenneth and I started a relationship about a year later, and then we made plans to get married. He said, “If you’re not busy in four years, will you marry me? I’ve waited 45 years to marry you. Would you please marry me?” And I was like, “No, I’m a broken mess; I’ve got kids and all this other stuff.” Well, we finally decided to get married on July 3rd of 2021, and on July 1st, he had three grand mal seizures and was in the hospital. I dropped to my knees for the second time and said to God, “Lord, I can’t do this again. There’s just no way. I don’t understand. We’re going to be a family. We’re moving.” Clearly, in a vision, God showed me a drawn line in the sand, speaking to my heart, saying, “Lisa, everything on this side of the earth means the world to you, but on this side, it doesn’t mean anything to me—not the house, not the car, not the job, not the money. I need you. I need your thoughts, your faith, and your eyes. It will be OK if you trust me.”

While Kenneth was in the hospital, I told him that I didn’t think we should get married, and he responded, “If it’s the last thing I do before I take my last breath, we’re getting married.” So, the next day, we got married, and we watched him for three months for seizures.

Meanwhile, I made a phone call, and this phone call didn’t go to the person I called. The person who answered told me how he helps people heal their livers, and one of the root causes of seizures is liver dysfunction. One of the significant symptoms is if you had hepatitis C and now have liver cirrhosis, which was where Kenneth was. So we started changing our diets and a program immediately. That was in July, and by September, he needed to go in for blood work at the Mayo Clinic to see if he could be a candidate for a liver transplant. The answer was no because, after the age of 60, it gets less likely because the average age for a man to pass away is 74, so they would rather give that healthy liver to a healthy person than to an older one. 

With this news, we quickly removed all chemicals from our house and stopped consuming carbohydrates and sugar—everything was gone—it was a struggle because you don’t realize how addicted to sugar you are. As a nutritionist, I went back, and I looked at every single scientific study and documentation from the beginning of time, moving all the way forward and searching for when fatty liver disease became the death of humans versus liver cirrhosis by alcohol. Like, when did that happen? So here I was, looking all this up. Big Pharma has been in bed with the FDA and the Food Administration. All the chemicals and stuff we’re getting in our system are the culprits of what’s destroying our liver. 

So, now I’m on fire—I have a spark of light and am on a new adventure—and God is showing me so much, and it was Holy Spirit-led on how to heal the liver. So we pursued what we have been applying to our lives, and in January, we both went in for blood work, and for me, it was the first time in 5 years since I had blood work. I am on the back burner again because I went from caring for myself to caring for someone else. And my words of wisdom for anybody are that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s selfish not to because people need you. They ran the blood work, called us back a week later, and said, “There’s something wrong here.” And I said, “What do you mean?” And they said, “The blood work of the man we have from July is a man with one leg in the grave, and this blood work is like a 32-year-old man’s blood work.” I then asked the doctor what my thyroid looked like, and he told me that I didn’t have a thyroid issue. I told him, “No, I do; check my records. I have hyperthyroidism, Graves disease, thyroid eye disease, and a list of 12 autoimmune diseases. And he said, “Well, you don’t have them now. And I was like, “What!” And he said, “You don’t have anything. You have somehow or another had bad blood work, or something happened, but this is all gone.” So Kenneth and I were on to something and continued to follow a carnivore diet because everything else was spiking insulin and causing liver issues and brain fog. Then, a friend of ours heard that Kenneth had liver cirrhosis. He asked how he was doing and told him, “You’re not going to believe this, but we are one month from celebrating one year of life after he was told 30 to 90 days to live—they didn’t even want to do treatment or to have any hope for him because he was under 10% functioning of his liver. So obviously, God has bigger plans, and it has been an absolute miracle moving forward to today, the LifeBack name came because we all want our lives back—everyone wants to go to heaven, but we don’t want to go today—we want to get to the Lord and go to heaven, but if you’re called home today, are you ready to surrender everything and go? 

When you are going through tough times, it seems you are stuck somewhere in the hallway, be steadfast about His business. Be faithful and immovable. 1 Corinthians 15:58. Even though he may not have opened the door or a window, and you don’t know where you’re going, you still need to be busy with His work. What does it mean to be about His business or work? Being a good disciple, having a sound mind, and following His lead. This is surrendering—literally every day, it was all about sweet surrender and trusting Him in the storm. He gives me an understanding that surpasses our own because He knows what’s best. We think that we know it all—that we’re brilliant—that we’ve got an education and degrees and experience and all this stuff, but He told me, “You’re just my child; you’re my child, and I’m your Father, and you need to listen to me.” 

Through all this, and coming to today, the LifeBack System was birthed by a high school guy who introduced me to another guy, who became my business partner. He said, “Your story is incredible, and the information on the liver is so powerful to help people get their life back.” This is where the name was born because when God takes us through the journey or the wilderness, it’s not to have us have pain and sorrow—it’s having us draw closer to Him, so when the time comes, we are ready to go home. God is so faithful. God gave me His peace, not my own, and He was so profound in helping me understand that I’m just dust to dust; it’s just a blink or moment in time, and the future of me is in His hands, and how I was going to show my children to have the strength and courage and have blind faith and put everything in His hands.

LifeBack System

Coach Lisa shared her story on Truth, Talk & Testimonies.

Coach Lisa's story can be found on the VictoryEmbraced: Truth, Talk & Testimonies podcast platforms.